Sunday, January 13, 2013

Top ten reasons I don't want a traditional wedding.

I have been a bad blogger. I have skipped a couple days of the January link up I've been doing. First, I didn't really know what to post about for memory, and then I lost my momentum. I might try to play catch up and still post about the missed topics. I might not. No promises. No promises means no expectations, which means I can't disappoint, right :)

Anyway, this is day thirteen of January Blog A Day: Top ten.

My very good friend Emily recently got engaged (Yayyyy Emily!!) and I have been going with her to look at venues and today we went to The Wedding Fair at Cornhusker Marriott Hotel. Way back in the day, I used to work at a store that rented tuxes for weddings, so I had to work a couple bridal fairs then. It was interesting to be on the other side of the booths this time, but it also did make me think twice about the giveaways and specials that companies were offering. I know that when the company I worked for presented "specials" for bridal shows, they really were not very special at all.

Since being there with Emily while people talked numbers about wedding details, I have been fairly well convinced that a traditional wedding is not for me. I had been leaning in that direction beforehand, but this has really cemented it for me. This is my top ten reasons that having a traditional wedding terrifies me.

All of this comes with the disclaimer that I am not judging anyone else or their wedding or their ideas, this is purely talking about me and my delusions. 
Also, I am not just as scared of the world as this may make me seem. 

Or am I?

Number One: The freaking cost of it all.

I know weddings can be beautiful and a great celebration and all the funs. But you know what else $20,000 can do and can be all those things? A down payment on a house. A super amazing honeymoon where you backpack through Europe, or spend all your time on a beach with people bringing you umbrella drinks in your cabana. That kind of money just seems like it should be spent on more than one day to me.

Number Two: Planning all the little details without losing my mind.

Many women have very long engagements. There is plenty of time to figure out arrangements and change minds about details. But that does not prevent them from losing their minds during the process. There are so many tiny little details to handle and decide on that I have no idea how anyone plans their wedding while doing anything else with their life at the same time. It's just all so overwhelming! Just helping to begin to plan Emily's wedding is already killing me.

Number Three: Offending friends and family.

My family is a lot. They are a lot to handle. We are over the top. But that means that we are happy over the top, we love over the top, we celebrate over the top. We don't hold back. I come from a very Danish family, and by Danish, I mean Viking. Think of the big burly men on the ships who drank pitchers of ale and sang rowdy sea shanties and cheered so loudly it rocked the boat. That was my upbringing. Those were my people.
Boyfriend, on the other hand, comes from a reserved, conservative, keep your feelings to yourself background.

I assume I don't need to say any more for you to understand the disaster that mixing these two groups could be.

This could lead to a lot of awkwardness and judgement that I just don't want to deal with.

Number Four: Finding the dress.

Today at the bridal show, there were many bridal salons that brought dress samples to their booths. They were.... Interesting. I already felt like picking the one dress that you will wear for your wedding, to be given away, to start your new life, to become a Mrs somebody, to be photographed and hung on your living room wall for the rest of eternity, should be a special dress. And what if you get it wrong?
But looking at the gowns that shops brought to be displayed scared me even more. Because they were bad. They had see through bodices. And weird curly ribbon details on the entire skirt. And stripes. If that is what is offered as far as wedding dresses then I am even more screwed on picking one that I originally thought.

Number Five: Putting on the show.

When it is your wedding there, theoretically everyone is there to celebrate you. But really, they are there to watch you.
There to watch you perform.
The idea of putting on the performance that a wedding turns out to be is so scary to me. From the ceremony where you have to say your vows, super personal life long promises to the person that you love and the God that you believe in, to the receiving line where you have to remember your spouse's great aunt's second husband's name, to the reception where you have to have your first dance in front of a crowd, to the dinner where the food has to be good and the ambiance has to be romantic.... It is all one big show to be put on.
I just want the vows and the dance. That is all.

Number Six: The awkward people that you have to invite.

Everyone has them. The person that your parents insist that you invite to your wedding, so as to not burn bridges with them. You don't particularly care for them, if you even know them at all, but they are someone important to your parents, so you have to invite them to the most personal day of your life (exceptions being possibly for childbirth. Hopefully your parents don't insist on randoms being there for that whole situation). Which leads us to...

Number Seven: The drunk person you know will be there.

If there is alcohol served at your reception, there will undoubtedly be someone there who gets a little too wastey faced. They will be the one who became besties with the bartender and brought way too much money for the cash bar. They will cause a scene, they will try to make a toast, and they will embarrass everyone who knows them. Which might not even be you, even though it is your wedding, and they will be what most people remember.

Number Eight: Disasters.

I know disasters can always happen, every day. And I truly do not live my life afraid of them, because they are unpreventable, unlike polar bears.
But on a day where you are supposed to have everything handled, then they are scary. I have always seen myself getting married in the winter, and I have always lived in climates where winter = snow. So a snow storm that prevented people I loved from getting to the celebration is a worry. Your officiant getting sick and not having anyone to marry you... What do you even do then? There are just so many little details riding on one day!

Number Nine: My looks, and my skin in specific.

My skin is horrible. I don't mean in an adult acne or scars kind of way. I mean in the kind of way where it is always inflamed and always a rash, and always painful. And not on places like my stomach. It is on my face, and my chest, and my arms. I have an autoimmune disorder that one of the symptoms basically boils down to my skin always looking like I am sick.
To even consider the amount of my skin as exposed as a wedding dress would require, under bright lights, in front of the majority of the people I know, photographed for all eternity, makes me want to crawl in a hole and die.
Maybe I will talk about this more in depth later... But it really is horrible.

Well, I guess I really only have nine. So I am breaking the rules after skipping days. I'm a rebel blogger.

In short, if this was too long and you did not read it....

I want a marriage, and not necessarily a wedding. Weddings scare me.

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